My Testimony
“You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13. How appropriate that I should be reading these words, seeing as how I was right in the middle of a quest to find God. That’s where I was, spiritually speaking. That’s the part that’s especially pertinent, but physically speaking, I was standing in a Christian bookstore reading wooden signs. The words greatly encouraged me to continue my pursuit. I know now that God originally spoke them to the people of Israel, but that day He spoke them to me. He used His Words written ages ago to prick my heart…to make me aware of the fact that He was aware of me.
I had known of Him as long as I could remember. Throughout my childhood we had traversed the two miles from our house to the little, white, block building that was our church home. I still recall the names of all of my Sunday School teachers as I progressed from the primary class all the way up to the teenage class.
I developed a reverence for God and church when I was a child. I never doubted Him. Why? I had seen Him. I saw Him in my mama when she prayed. I would lie on her red carpet in her bedroom and look up at her face as she knelt by her bed. With her tears streaming and shoulders shaking as she sobbed, I saw her humility. She prayed aloud, but I don’t remember the words. Sometimes she prayed in a language I didn’t understand, as the Spirit spoke through her.
God became real to me through Mama, but also through Daddy. Occasionally he would play his guitar at church and sing a special number, with Mom accompanying him on the piano. Now and then he would give a word to the congregation. I loved listening to him. Even as a child, I felt God’s anointing on what he said, and I knew my daddy was a wise man.
Besides beholding God in my parents, I saw Him in my daddy’s mother…my Grandma Daisy. She could really get fiery at prayer meetings. I was a witness to that fact!
And last, but not least, I saw God in the people at that little, white, block church. One who especially sticks out in my mind is Liz, my mama’s cousin. She was, and still is, a fireball. There’s an undeniable passion for God in her. It is evident when she shares something the Holy Spirit has put on her heart.
When I was around eight years old, an evangelist came to our church. I was enthralled by the evangelist’s serene face and convicting words. My heart was drawn to God. I made a commitment to Him and was baptized. As the years passed, my passion waned. Because I’m a disciplined person and have always had a heart to do “the right thing” I kept up my Bible reading and prayer as a teenager. They were part of my bedtime ritual, along with brushing my teeth and washing my face…items to check off my list, but my heart wasn’t engaged. I made some decisions that I’m not proud of during those lukewarm years.
When I graduated from high school, I took a job as a bookkeeper at a men’s clothing store, and started to college. After one year, I married my high school sweetheart. I continued working and going to school for the next three and a half years. During this time, I met Marlene. Marlene was hired at the store to do alterations. Little did I know, at the time, that her presence would be a catalyst for major alterations in my life too. Marlene was friendly… pleasant. She was a single mom with two young daughters. Marlene had found Jesus, and she was excited about Him, to say the least. Marlene had one irritating characteristic… she meddled. Well, make that two. She was a fanatic when it came to her church. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for fanaticism when it comes to relationship with the Lord. In fact I’m not sure a person can be a Christian without being fanatical, but Marlene’s brand was in regard to her church’s doctrine, which put extreme emphasis on outward observances. Although they didn’t come out and say it, I felt that Marlene, and others from her congregation, condemned to hell, those that didn’t see eye to eye with them.
So, to sum it up, Marlene was a likeable, meddling fanatic, if you can imagine that. She showed genuine interest and concern for the people she worked with. How could I fault her there, but she was always asking me questions that made me uncomfortable. I had told her I was a Christian --- after all, I had gone to church all my life --- but that wasn’t enough for her. She probed me with questions designed to poke holes in my belief system, and to open my eyes to the flawlessness of her church’s doctrine. Marlene didn’t get the result she was after. I didn’t convert to her church, but she was serving the purpose God intended. I became miserable! I began to question my salvation. I began to question what I had been taught. I didn’t doubt my parents’ salvation, but was concerned that maybe God had more stringent requirements, that they just weren’t yet aware of. Marlene continued to hammer me with dos and don’ts that I wasn’t observing, and using select Bible verses to do it. I was no match for her. She had been well coached in presenting her case. I realized I couldn’t back up what I believed from a personal knowledge of scriptures, or even from personal experiences with the Lord. This awareness was an important part of my journey in coming to faith.
Besides Marlene, God was also using another person in my life to open my eyes… my little sister. That’s a bit humbling to admit. I was always the one who got to experience everything first, but my little sis “outsmarted” me --- literally --- on this one; she became a Christian first. She was like a different/new person… so full of joy and enthusiasm. The change I saw in her caused me to be painfully aware that I had never undergone that transformation. I hadn’t been brought from death to life. I hadn’t become a new creation like the one I saw right before my eyes. I had never seen this happen to anyone before. My parents committed their lives to the Lord before, or shortly after, I was born. In my sister, I got a close-up look at what God could do in a person’s heart.
It was at about this stage in my life that I found myself reading it … the wooden sign in the bookstore. It was on a revolving display filled with others. Each had a person’s name on it, and under the name a Bible verse. The one I was reading had my name on it in more ways than one. It was as if it was a challenge and an assurance from the Lord all rolled into one. “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13.
I earnestly began seeking. I had to count the cost. Could I live the way Marlene lived if that was really what God required? I intently studied the scriptures and prayed. I didn’t immediately get all the answers I was seeking regarding doctrine, but something beautiful began to happen. While I was looking to the words of the Bible for answers, the Living Word leaped out at me from the pages. I realized that having all the answers wasn’t what I needed as much as having “The Answer.” I repented of my sins and opened my heart to receive the gift of God’s Son. I was baptized July 8, 1984.
Deciding to follow Jesus was, by far, the most important decision I ever made in my life! I entered into a relationship with Him, and I wish I could say, “And my life has been smooth sailing ever since. All my problems ended.” I wish I could say, “My faith has stayed consistently strong through every trial.” I wish I could say, “I’ve never felt despair on my journey with the Lord.” I wish I could truthfully say these things, because surely they would convince others to embark on this journey, but … I can’t. The truth is, being a Christian hasn’t isolated me from the negative aspects of life, but it has insulated me. Jesus has faithfully been with me.
My testimony may not seem spectacular. I wasn’t formerly addicted to alcohol or drugs. I wasn’t saved while serving a prison sentence. I didn’t narrowly escape a botched suicide, BUT, I was just as desperately lost as if I had been in any one of those scenarios, just as much separated from God because of my sins, just as much in need of the saving grace that only Jesus can give. What a difference He has made in my life! Actually, to be more accurate, I could simply say, “He has made my life!” That’s not an exaggeration. I owe every “good thing” in my life to Him. “Every good and perfect gift is from above…” James 1:17. My only regret is that I didn’t embrace Him sooner. I could have avoided a lot of self-inflicted pain, sorrow, and regret.
The wonderful news is if you’re reading this, it’s not too late for you to begin this journey! His words are just as true for you as they were for the children of Israel, and for me. “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Why not begin today? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
“You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13. How appropriate that I should be reading these words, seeing as how I was right in the middle of a quest to find God. That’s where I was, spiritually speaking. That’s the part that’s especially pertinent, but physically speaking, I was standing in a Christian bookstore reading wooden signs. The words greatly encouraged me to continue my pursuit. I know now that God originally spoke them to the people of Israel, but that day He spoke them to me. He used His Words written ages ago to prick my heart…to make me aware of the fact that He was aware of me.
I had known of Him as long as I could remember. Throughout my childhood we had traversed the two miles from our house to the little, white, block building that was our church home. I still recall the names of all of my Sunday School teachers as I progressed from the primary class all the way up to the teenage class.
I developed a reverence for God and church when I was a child. I never doubted Him. Why? I had seen Him. I saw Him in my mama when she prayed. I would lie on her red carpet in her bedroom and look up at her face as she knelt by her bed. With her tears streaming and shoulders shaking as she sobbed, I saw her humility. She prayed aloud, but I don’t remember the words. Sometimes she prayed in a language I didn’t understand, as the Spirit spoke through her.
God became real to me through Mama, but also through Daddy. Occasionally he would play his guitar at church and sing a special number, with Mom accompanying him on the piano. Now and then he would give a word to the congregation. I loved listening to him. Even as a child, I felt God’s anointing on what he said, and I knew my daddy was a wise man.
Besides beholding God in my parents, I saw Him in my daddy’s mother…my Grandma Daisy. She could really get fiery at prayer meetings. I was a witness to that fact!
And last, but not least, I saw God in the people at that little, white, block church. One who especially sticks out in my mind is Liz, my mama’s cousin. She was, and still is, a fireball. There’s an undeniable passion for God in her. It is evident when she shares something the Holy Spirit has put on her heart.
When I was around eight years old, an evangelist came to our church. I was enthralled by the evangelist’s serene face and convicting words. My heart was drawn to God. I made a commitment to Him and was baptized. As the years passed, my passion waned. Because I’m a disciplined person and have always had a heart to do “the right thing” I kept up my Bible reading and prayer as a teenager. They were part of my bedtime ritual, along with brushing my teeth and washing my face…items to check off my list, but my heart wasn’t engaged. I made some decisions that I’m not proud of during those lukewarm years.
When I graduated from high school, I took a job as a bookkeeper at a men’s clothing store, and started to college. After one year, I married my high school sweetheart. I continued working and going to school for the next three and a half years. During this time, I met Marlene. Marlene was hired at the store to do alterations. Little did I know, at the time, that her presence would be a catalyst for major alterations in my life too. Marlene was friendly… pleasant. She was a single mom with two young daughters. Marlene had found Jesus, and she was excited about Him, to say the least. Marlene had one irritating characteristic… she meddled. Well, make that two. She was a fanatic when it came to her church. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for fanaticism when it comes to relationship with the Lord. In fact I’m not sure a person can be a Christian without being fanatical, but Marlene’s brand was in regard to her church’s doctrine, which put extreme emphasis on outward observances. Although they didn’t come out and say it, I felt that Marlene, and others from her congregation, condemned to hell, those that didn’t see eye to eye with them.
So, to sum it up, Marlene was a likeable, meddling fanatic, if you can imagine that. She showed genuine interest and concern for the people she worked with. How could I fault her there, but she was always asking me questions that made me uncomfortable. I had told her I was a Christian --- after all, I had gone to church all my life --- but that wasn’t enough for her. She probed me with questions designed to poke holes in my belief system, and to open my eyes to the flawlessness of her church’s doctrine. Marlene didn’t get the result she was after. I didn’t convert to her church, but she was serving the purpose God intended. I became miserable! I began to question my salvation. I began to question what I had been taught. I didn’t doubt my parents’ salvation, but was concerned that maybe God had more stringent requirements, that they just weren’t yet aware of. Marlene continued to hammer me with dos and don’ts that I wasn’t observing, and using select Bible verses to do it. I was no match for her. She had been well coached in presenting her case. I realized I couldn’t back up what I believed from a personal knowledge of scriptures, or even from personal experiences with the Lord. This awareness was an important part of my journey in coming to faith.
Besides Marlene, God was also using another person in my life to open my eyes… my little sister. That’s a bit humbling to admit. I was always the one who got to experience everything first, but my little sis “outsmarted” me --- literally --- on this one; she became a Christian first. She was like a different/new person… so full of joy and enthusiasm. The change I saw in her caused me to be painfully aware that I had never undergone that transformation. I hadn’t been brought from death to life. I hadn’t become a new creation like the one I saw right before my eyes. I had never seen this happen to anyone before. My parents committed their lives to the Lord before, or shortly after, I was born. In my sister, I got a close-up look at what God could do in a person’s heart.
It was at about this stage in my life that I found myself reading it … the wooden sign in the bookstore. It was on a revolving display filled with others. Each had a person’s name on it, and under the name a Bible verse. The one I was reading had my name on it in more ways than one. It was as if it was a challenge and an assurance from the Lord all rolled into one. “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13.
I earnestly began seeking. I had to count the cost. Could I live the way Marlene lived if that was really what God required? I intently studied the scriptures and prayed. I didn’t immediately get all the answers I was seeking regarding doctrine, but something beautiful began to happen. While I was looking to the words of the Bible for answers, the Living Word leaped out at me from the pages. I realized that having all the answers wasn’t what I needed as much as having “The Answer.” I repented of my sins and opened my heart to receive the gift of God’s Son. I was baptized July 8, 1984.
Deciding to follow Jesus was, by far, the most important decision I ever made in my life! I entered into a relationship with Him, and I wish I could say, “And my life has been smooth sailing ever since. All my problems ended.” I wish I could say, “My faith has stayed consistently strong through every trial.” I wish I could say, “I’ve never felt despair on my journey with the Lord.” I wish I could truthfully say these things, because surely they would convince others to embark on this journey, but … I can’t. The truth is, being a Christian hasn’t isolated me from the negative aspects of life, but it has insulated me. Jesus has faithfully been with me.
My testimony may not seem spectacular. I wasn’t formerly addicted to alcohol or drugs. I wasn’t saved while serving a prison sentence. I didn’t narrowly escape a botched suicide, BUT, I was just as desperately lost as if I had been in any one of those scenarios, just as much separated from God because of my sins, just as much in need of the saving grace that only Jesus can give. What a difference He has made in my life! Actually, to be more accurate, I could simply say, “He has made my life!” That’s not an exaggeration. I owe every “good thing” in my life to Him. “Every good and perfect gift is from above…” James 1:17. My only regret is that I didn’t embrace Him sooner. I could have avoided a lot of self-inflicted pain, sorrow, and regret.
The wonderful news is if you’re reading this, it’s not too late for you to begin this journey! His words are just as true for you as they were for the children of Israel, and for me. “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Why not begin today? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
