In the Bible, one particular disciple refers to himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved." Interestingly, this reference is found several times, but only in one book. Most scholars give the credit for this book to the Apostle John. If John really wrote what we refer to as the Book of John, that makes him this "disciple whom Jesus loved." How do we know, because in John 21:20 (NIV) he refers to himself by this title, and then in verse twenty-four he says, "This is the disciple who is testifying to these things and wrote these things, and we know that his testimony is true."
I'll have to admit, I used to feel that this disciple must have been somewhat impudent to use this phraseology regarding himself. Notice I said "I used to feel." As I have walked with the Lord, and personally battled accepting his love and grace for me apart from my works, I have come to see John's self-description differently. The following examples are part of the reason why.
In the first chapter of John's book he records these words: "Jesus saw Nathanael coming to Him, and said of him, 'Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!'"
Once when speaking to a crowd, Jesus said these words about John the Baptist. "I tell you, among those born of women there is no one greater than John..." Luke 7:28 NIV. If John the Apostle wasn't present in the crowd, he surely heard about this lofty description Jesus had given John the Baptist.
In Matthew eight we are told of a centurion who came to Jesus asking for help. "'Lord,' he said, 'my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.' Jesus said to him, 'Shall I come and heal him?' The centurion replied, 'Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Come,' and he comes, I say to my servant, 'Do this and he does it.' When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, 'Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.'" (Matthew 8:6-10 NIV). Again, John, undoubtedly, was present, or heard about this event.
In Matthew sixteen, we read about Jesus asking his disciples who the people were saying he was. "They replied, 'Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.' 'But what about you?' he asked. 'Who do you say I am?' Simon Peter answered, 'You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.' Jesus replied, 'Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven.'" (Matthew 16:14-17 NIV). John is a witness to the fact that Peter has had a special revelation from God Himself!
Maybe John wasn't being impudent in referring to himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved," after all. He had heard Jesus identify Nathanael as a man without any deceit. He identified John the Baptist as a man who was a rival of greatness to all others, and the centurion as a man whose faith was greater than anyone in Israel (that would have included John). He heard him identify Peter as one who had experienced a special revelation from God. What would it have been like to have been a contemporary of men that Jesus praised so highly? Could it be that in his self-evaluation John realized his greatest claim to fame was simply, and amazingly being loved by Jesus? He didn't identify himself by something he did for God, but what God did for him! In 1 John 4:19 he wrote these words: "We love, because He first loved us." John realized that any good that came out of him was a result of God's love for him. I am endeavoring to join John in realizing this is my true identity ... the one Jesus loves. It is tremendously freeing!
I'll have to admit, I used to feel that this disciple must have been somewhat impudent to use this phraseology regarding himself. Notice I said "I used to feel." As I have walked with the Lord, and personally battled accepting his love and grace for me apart from my works, I have come to see John's self-description differently. The following examples are part of the reason why.
In the first chapter of John's book he records these words: "Jesus saw Nathanael coming to Him, and said of him, 'Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!'"
Once when speaking to a crowd, Jesus said these words about John the Baptist. "I tell you, among those born of women there is no one greater than John..." Luke 7:28 NIV. If John the Apostle wasn't present in the crowd, he surely heard about this lofty description Jesus had given John the Baptist.
In Matthew eight we are told of a centurion who came to Jesus asking for help. "'Lord,' he said, 'my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.' Jesus said to him, 'Shall I come and heal him?' The centurion replied, 'Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Come,' and he comes, I say to my servant, 'Do this and he does it.' When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, 'Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.'" (Matthew 8:6-10 NIV). Again, John, undoubtedly, was present, or heard about this event.
In Matthew sixteen, we read about Jesus asking his disciples who the people were saying he was. "They replied, 'Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.' 'But what about you?' he asked. 'Who do you say I am?' Simon Peter answered, 'You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.' Jesus replied, 'Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven.'" (Matthew 16:14-17 NIV). John is a witness to the fact that Peter has had a special revelation from God Himself!
Maybe John wasn't being impudent in referring to himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved," after all. He had heard Jesus identify Nathanael as a man without any deceit. He identified John the Baptist as a man who was a rival of greatness to all others, and the centurion as a man whose faith was greater than anyone in Israel (that would have included John). He heard him identify Peter as one who had experienced a special revelation from God. What would it have been like to have been a contemporary of men that Jesus praised so highly? Could it be that in his self-evaluation John realized his greatest claim to fame was simply, and amazingly being loved by Jesus? He didn't identify himself by something he did for God, but what God did for him! In 1 John 4:19 he wrote these words: "We love, because He first loved us." John realized that any good that came out of him was a result of God's love for him. I am endeavoring to join John in realizing this is my true identity ... the one Jesus loves. It is tremendously freeing!
When I was young, my heart's desire
Was to do something of notoriety...
To leave a mark big enough
For the entire world to see.
I didn't long for fortune.
I wasn't seeking personal fame...
To vainly climb the ladder of success,
For the sake of making a name.
I just wanted to matter,
To know at the end of the day,
That I'd earned my keep on this planet...
Contributed in some way.
When I became a Christian,
My heart and mind were changed,
A transformation resulting in
Priorities being rearranged.
I didn't lose my passion,
My to-do list mentality.
It just shifted to doing something,
That would make God proud of me.
The years keep swiftly passing.
I'm no longer in my prime.
More and more I realize,
I'm running out of time.
When I survey my life,
Here's my sad, but honest report:
In every major area,
I have fallen short...
Not kind enough, not pretty enough,
Not loving enough for sure,
Not smart enough, not savvy enough,
The facts are hard to endure.
As I put a check by each failure,
I hear my Father gently speak from above,
"If you will accept this, my dear child,
As you are, you're enough for my love."
Was to do something of notoriety...
To leave a mark big enough
For the entire world to see.
I didn't long for fortune.
I wasn't seeking personal fame...
To vainly climb the ladder of success,
For the sake of making a name.
I just wanted to matter,
To know at the end of the day,
That I'd earned my keep on this planet...
Contributed in some way.
When I became a Christian,
My heart and mind were changed,
A transformation resulting in
Priorities being rearranged.
I didn't lose my passion,
My to-do list mentality.
It just shifted to doing something,
That would make God proud of me.
The years keep swiftly passing.
I'm no longer in my prime.
More and more I realize,
I'm running out of time.
When I survey my life,
Here's my sad, but honest report:
In every major area,
I have fallen short...
Not kind enough, not pretty enough,
Not loving enough for sure,
Not smart enough, not savvy enough,
The facts are hard to endure.
As I put a check by each failure,
I hear my Father gently speak from above,
"If you will accept this, my dear child,
As you are, you're enough for my love."
